Passive aggressive silent treatment is a type of behavior common to passive aggressive people. It is used to avoid confrontation when issues arise. Instead of giving vent to their anger, the passive aggressive person shuts down and ignores you. Refusing to talk things through and resolve the problem is both childish and infuriating. It is also highly destructive in any type of relationship because resentments on both sides will continue to simmer away like toxic waste.
What form does the “silent treatment” take?
Passive aggressive silent treatment can last for a few hours, a few weeks, or even a great deal longer. It is characterized by a nonverbal pattern of behavior whereby the passive aggressive person refuses to express their anger by talking about what is upsetting them.
What can I do if my partner is giving me the silent treatment?
Ignoring you and refusing to engage in any kind of verbal discussion is very much a control mechanism and is sometimes known as “stonewalling”. Your partner is treating you with contempt instead of trying to resolve the issue, but the more you attempt to talk to them, the more they ignore you. In a sense, they are punishing you. By blatantly ignoring you, even to the point of talking to everyone else BUT you, this person wants to make you suffer. The silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse and is commonly used as a weapon by divorcing couples.
The best way to deal with a partner who is giving you the silent treatment is to not accept any blame for what is happening. Walk away and understand that it is their choice not to communicate. Leave them alone and wait until they decide to open the lines of communication again: in most cases the silent treatment will only be a temporary state of affairs.
How does a passive aggressive person use the silent treatment in the workplace?
The silent treatment is used as a mechanism in all types of environments, but is a very common attribute of passive aggressive personalities in the workplace. When it occurs in the workplace, a passive aggressive person will appear to respond to instructions in a favorable manner, but will express their resentment and anger by completing the task in a substandard way and by complaining to their colleagues in the vicinity.
Why does a passive aggressive person use the silent treatment?
Psychologists believe that a passive aggressive person acquires this behavioral technique though negative childhood experiences. Children who are not raised in a nurturing environment will very often use the silent treatment as a way of gaining parental attention. It is an outlet for their unresolved anger and a coping mechanism that can continue into adulthood.
What damaging effects can the silent treatment have?
A person who refuses to express their anger and frustration in a healthy manner inevitably ends up bottling their negative feelings up. In the long term, this can lead to all kinds of negative side effects including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
TucsonJim says
Kirk, Janet, and Alan are wrong … and right. There are three basic types of relationships: friends and family, business associates, and enemies. Many Native American cultures do not recognize the middle group. This makes them … I can’t think of a better way of saying it, stupid. If you are not family, you are an enemy to be hated. Juvenile. Alan talks about people who will never be friends or family. HOWEVER, he says he wants to put them into the business associate group. That’s perfectly fine. It’s NOT the silent treatment. That would be if you refused to act in a professional way and always ignored them. When you “stay with the facts,” you are NOT passive aggressively giving someone the silent treatment. You are talking. That’s not silent. Janet is also answering what they ask. Again, that is talking. Not being silent. Many Native Americans also believe it is a great insult to give someone a strong handshake. That’s fine IMHO in your “hood,” but when you are in my house, it’s narcissistic (again) to insist everyone does whatever you want. I always give them an even weaker handshake and I look as pathetically weak as I can when doing it. Drives them insane. As the others here point out, communicating in a business relationship way and then letting them leave is the ideal goal.
“The best way to deal with a partner who is giving you the silent treatment is to not accept any blame for what is happening. Walk away and understand that it is their choice not to communicate.”
That’s ALL the advice this article has. Nothing wrong with it. Doing this does not make you in the wrong.
Putting someone in the “business” zone is also reasonable. Kirk, Janet, and Alan correctly recommend it.
Another common term is “mirroring.” Do whatever they are doing right back at them. It can be a lot of fun.
Nothing make a narcissist angrier than when you have fun while they are working to “punish” you. LOL
It is VERY important to remember that ANYONE working to punish you (really for nothing) is an “enemy.”
What is the correct response to an enemy attacking? To destroy them. After America destroyed the British, we became friends. They stabbed us in the back, and we destroyed them again. And became friends again.
Where I currently live, I had two abusive neighbors. I ignored, ignored, and hit hard with accurate insults. Eventually they both moved away. I won. In a previous home, I had a NAZI for a neighbor. Eventually the police were involved, and a restraining order forced the husband to leave his home. Another victory. Yea! I have friends and family who didn’t like being in the business zone and worked back to the friends and family zone and I have friends and family who have chosen the enemy zone or stayed with “just the facts.”
kirk says
this is bulls**t. it is not used only to avoid confrontation. it can also be used in a situation where no matter how much a person speaks up, the issue continues, OR the person is then accused of starting fights. since the person has no power, the person gets screwed over no matter what. so they can use passive aggressive tactics to reveal the reality of a situation to everybody else when nobody is willing to listen.
this article was most likely written by one of the ” people in power ” that often refuses to listen to anybody’s opinion but their own. and was more than likely put in their place by somebody the author decided to simply ignore in the first place, but was then revealed as to their true nature and so is now quite butt hurt.
Janet says
If you are dealing with a family member with the silent treatment this is passive aggressive, honestly I would let them contact you and only answer what they ask. You can never please a person who has these traits, I know I have tried for over 40 yrs and you are wasting your time!
Altan Tranum says
Actually, I have just resorted to this. I own my home. I have been tolerating someone who lives here acting like I need to something to please him for years. I also rent my t
Trailer to an alcoholic who is sober. Neither person gives me respect or appreciation. Trying to talk elicits yelling and name calling and honestly, I am so full of frustration I am no longer rational either. I am emotionally healthier in terms of functioning on my own. Unfortunately, I am a
StaRting to have health issues, turning 70, and I have a lot in my plate. I do not perceive that
These people will add much positive to my situation
And really do not want to work things out with them. I am okay if they leave and I will not replace them. I am okay if they stay as long as they stay in a businesslike professional space with me. Just the facts. Pay the rent. He respectful of my home and others. Stay out of personal space with me.