Most people display a varying degree of narcissism at different times, but in order to be diagnosed as suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, the level of narcissism has to be very severe.
So what are the traits of a narcissistic personality and if your partner is diagnosed as suffering from the disorder, what is the best way of dealing with narcissistic men in relationships?
We have probably all met men or women with narcissistic tendencies at some point in our lives. They are the ones who are extremely self-centered, conceited and arrogant.
Visit our new website dedicated to Narcissism and Narcissistic relations at TheNarcissisticLife.com
They think they are God’s gift to the opposite sex and are always striving to be the center of attention, which can make a relationship with this type of person extremely challenging at the best of times.
If this sounds like an accurate description of your partner, learning some tips for dealing with narcissistic men in relationships should help you to avoid complete emotional meltdown.
But as well as understanding how best to cope with the traits of a narcissistic personality, it is also essential for you to understand that there might come a point in the relationship when you must leave for your own sake.
How to Deal With a Narcissistic Man?
Dealing with narcissistic men in relationships is challenging. Imagine being in a relationship with the most egotistical diva who ever lived and that should give you some idea of the issues you will be facing.
The best way of dealing with narcissistic men in relationships is to be very firm about what you will and will not accept. It is vital that you set boundaries for their behavior as the more you put up with it, the more they will dish out.
However, it is worth remembering that ultimately you are never going to change your man and no matter how many times you point out how badly they are behaving, they are still likely to continue behaving in an unacceptable manner.
In most cases, the best way to deal with a narcissistic man is to ignore him or walk away from the situation.
What Traits Do Narcissistic Men Have?
Men with narcissistic personality disorder struggle to show compassion and empathy. No matter how upset you might be feeling about something that has happened, your partner will be completely unable to feel any sympathy for you — not because they don’t care, but because they are unable to put themselves in your shoes and understand how you feel.
This inability to empathize and feel compassion also means your partner might say or do hurtful things to get a reaction, which can be very difficult to deal with.
Narcissistic people are usually hyper sensitive to criticism, so be very careful about criticizing a narcissistic man’s behavior, or indeed anything. He is likely to see it as a personal attack and react badly.
At some point in the relationship, you may have to decide if the bad times far outweigh the good times. Dealing with a narcissistic man is not easy and for anyone suffering from low self-esteem, it can be an extremely self-destructive relationship. Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is a recognized disorder suffered by those people in relationships with narcissistic personalities and the classic signs are depression, low self esteem, anxiety problems, and in the worst cases, suicidal tendencies.
OMG now reading on this it has answered something I was looking for but just could not put my finger on I met a guy from a dating site approx. 6 months ago and we really seemed to hit it off and I Thought was gorgeous. Please note I’m 60 so should have lots of knowledge on people IV worked in the care ind for 23 years so thought I would be pretty clued up. He was very charming and attractive good job and only lived a mile away..I thought I had struck lucky however 6 months later I realise I was involved with a guy displaying these issues I think I just served his ego he was txting me up until approx. a week age when I challenged him to what is this cat and mouse game going on Then while shopping last week he was with another victim I made a point of saying hello he just looked through me so cold I’m grateful that I haven’t wasted any more of my precious time and god help this lady that thinks shes met a genuine guy
I always knew something was not right. About 6 months ago after attending several sessions with a counselor together he blurts out how “mentally ill” I am, and how he wants me to get “help”!
I’m a stay at home mom of 6 kids, half are grown up now. We have not been getting along, he has had me sleeping on the couch for the last 2 months.
About 3 weeks ago he called CPS (child protective services) on me. (I know it was him because he told me three days before they showed up claiming, I had not bought any food and was not feeding my kids (we had plenty).
He failed to tell the social worker that “he was withholding the family budget”. He also tried saying I tried to run him over with my car 6 months earlier! In front of my kids supposedly too!(because they were in the car). So CPS came out. It was embarrassing for me and a little traumatizing for the kids being interviewed.
She said she was going to close the case due to lack of evidence. But today he went down to the office and supposedly told them that “I was going to or had threatened to DROWN my children”.
The horror I felt! I still cannot believe he would ever lie about me that way! He can’t stop for a second to see that he has violated our relationship in a way that we cannot not fix!
Now it has to be over. I have no choice. He is tormenting the kids by saying such things! And subjecting them to these countless interviews! FOR NO REASON!
I feel so broken and ashamed. I think he thinks I was going to leave so he is trying to prove me an unfit parent or dangerous to take the kids from me. How can someone do that to the mother of their children? He must not believe that the children need me, obviously he doesn’t.
He said he has never known hate till he met me. That hurts…
I feel so sad reading your stories. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It is important to be a strong woman and reading about your post taught me not to put up with anything and yes, I don’t and hopefully won’t in the future. I offer prayers to all of you. You’re all beautiful and complete without those devil incarnate guys. Your spirit is beautiful. Kisses and hugs 🙂
I gave up my beautiful fulfilled life and everything valuable in SA to marry this wonderful and good looking man in his country. The honeymoon was soon over after 3 months. I was stuck in my own home as I was not allowed to go out. All I had were the 4 walls. He would leave the house at 7am and come home at 10/11pm. He would not even call home to check on me. I was so alone as I could not speak or understand the language of that country. It was hell being in that country and I was not allowed to have friends. I stuck that out for 3 years when I decided in 2009 that I would come back to SA.
When I got back to SA, I ignored all his calls for about 3 months. Finally I gave in in hope that he had learned his lesson. I took him in again because he was so sympathetic and said lovely things to me. I was a FOOL and that was my BIGGEST MISTAKE and DOWNFALL. I should have known better as he is so manipulative, self praising smooth talker and a liar. I have not stopped crying. It is such a nightmare.
I divorced him in 2009 but he is now stalking me. I am in the midst of having an interdict again him. Presently I am still afraid. I pray that I all this will be over soon and that I will lead a happier life at last!!!!!!
OMG i totally can relate to everyone comments about living with a narcissistic partner. My life has been a roller coaster ride. My husband is very arrogant selfish disrespectful pathological liar. I have caught him in so many lies. He was dating on line, he is a thief, he is very flirtatious.
I actually caught him dating on line and he flat out denied it he is always befriending young girls everything is about him its always his way or the high way. He is very sneaky, he is always clicking off the computer when i come in our bedroom. I know he is up to no good. Plays a lot of childish games. He tells his family that I’m crazy and jealous when he is the one that’s crazy to think that I’m going to tolerate this behavior.
I also caught him him on match finders he says he is just seeing who is on there. I asked him why would you care who is looking for a man, you’re married. Each time i have confronted him about his behavior he just tells me I’m jealous.
I am so unhappy but i don’t have any family left. I am an only child, my children are grown so i think that has a lot to do with me still hoping that things will change.
I was having a hint of hope that mine will change one day too, but I have been waiting 27 years now and he just walked away with another woman. He acted like nothing happen and I should be just fine with the way it is.
I had found the same thing with my husband on either FB, Twitter, or even plain email with three different women and three different acts at the same time he acted just normal and as nothing at all shall be concerned. I never knew what narcissism was….till now. And OMG!!!! How true and how unbelievable it could be for good 27 years of my life that was not even a small truth in it.
Try 62 years of lying. I wake up each morning now in absolute astonishment that I was so incredibly gullible. but who wants to believe the ugly truth. You want to believe what you want to believe. Now I believe nothing. Everything that existed in the past 60 years is a lie.
OMG!!!! sexual demands…..I can tell you tons of it that I have been refusing to do…
He would NEVER have intimate intercourse with me only demand me to “perform on him”….whatever way that he wants me too.
I got totally disgusted with these increasing demands and just mechanically perform a “task”. He would even make me put a sexual bet as incentive on our golf game where he is way better golfer than I am. Sad, and pathetic love…I started to see now.
I may be married to a narcissistic man and just now realizing who I am up against. All this time(married almost 8 years) I never knew this is what he IS according to all the signs I’ve read and the research. This pattern has his name written on it. It’s true about this type of personality driving you up the wall, well he has driven me to almost suicide and when I confessed it to him, he didn’t even look at me, showed no sympathy.
I’ve caught him in lies many times. When it’s time to pay bills or rent and I ask him for money to help out, he throws a tantrum and avoids the conversation. He blames me for not making money because I don’t make him feel worthy (I believe he feels that way because I ask him to help out with the expenses). He exaggerates his successes in his so called business (which he’s a marketer and believes in ‘get rich schemes’), but can’t even help me with $100 a month for rent, food, or anything.
He doesn’t care that we don’t have a social life, all the friends we have are because they are my friends. He doesn’t have close friends himself. Some friends have told me that he has told them that he is doing so well with his business that he will be able to own and island, but yet, we are homeless and living in my friends’ home for very little rent, based on what I can afford to pay.
Does ‘Narcissistic’ describe this man? what do you think?
Is there a victim’s help group?
There is a book called “Narcissistic Lovers” How to cope, Recover and Move On. Excellent book I just bought and finished. Easy to read, not a lot of confusing terminology and some stories in that book
It felt like some of them had written by my VERY OWN story. It helped me understand what I am up against and why I feel the way I am feeling and how to deal with those feelings.
It may help a lot or many of us who suffering and not sure how to find explanations or closure.
My husband of 8 years has made me feel like nothing, from the day our 1st child was born. He says he hates me all the time….that I’m a “retard” because i do the slightest thing wrong, or simply just question him. I’m not allowed to question him. If i do, he says “my weekend is ruined.” I don’t know what to do.
What an angel you are! We are under a curse or spell. How did other sisters in agony get free or cope?
Ladies are there any solutions or strategies we can use in order to cope? Will it ever get any better? This is sheer HELL!
I try to BE CALM,and realize he is really really sick and in pain! But i also know that’s no excuse.
WHAT ON EARTH CAN WE DO? Please someone help us! It’s that bad!
I am so thankful that I didn’t have children with him. That would have made things much worse!
God bless and protect all of us women who have this cross to bear. Please God make us whole and comfort us!
Ladies I’m in same situation as you are. My, my, we do not deserve this at all.
It’s the hardest thing I ever had to deal with in life. Do they ever grow out of this?
I think i deserve his benefits. After he destroyed my whole life and I raised his kids(no recognition). Would you stay 6 yrs to get benefits? That is to say, if he didn’t do something tricky and creative with those benefits.
WOW!! OK maybe I am slow, but I read this, and my father is a narcissist, so I picked a few guys with these traits.
This one, I keep thinking was a money issue, and I was overly enabling to assist, but he is a good guy with these traits. I also UNDERSTAND why I am not in his MIRROR. He is a peacock. He is self-absorbed, and struts in and dumps me at any event? Why? I am not allowed to say “any criticism”.
He takes and takes. He did not cry when my cat (he loved for 10 yrs) dies. He does not cry or feel at several funerals but puts on a SHOW. How he does “prayer circles” and dresses up sorta like a priest, he has fit this to a T.
He has HORRID temper (I don’t push that button). He SHOWS UP, demands, by being passive-aggressive not mean, just creeps in my life weekly and has NO boundaries. He does not compliment. He spends time 2 hrs in the shower more then me (and I am long hair woman).
He has no feelings or love, but he keeps TELLING ME HE IS A LOVING PERSON, OUCH. I think I feel played like a fool. Not all these people are abusive outwardly. But I felt sucked dry of energy from preening and pampering a person who claims to love me. No, he is more of a leech. Thank you so so much for clearing this up. It’s all meant to be.
I was with a guy for over 3 years who I now believe is a narcissist, a compulsive liar! After I broke up with him I found out about so many lies he told me – I found out the real truth. That was was in jail for fraud and not the reason he gave me. That he was involved with women he told me he never was with. The “world I have discovered” in the last few weeks is something I could never have imagined was possible.
He won’t admit to anything and I’ve noticed even though I push him to, there will be a moment where it would sound like he wants to tell the truth and feel real remorse but then it’s like something “wakes him up” and then he is drawn back into his world of deceit.
I am no longer in love with him, I just want to heal from the pain I feel every now and then. What really broke me was seeing my daughter cry last night. Seeing her hurt and tears. Telling me that she missed him. (It’s not his child and I have 2 – he has none and has never been married).
My relationship with him was the second longest relationship he ever had. It broke me seeing her cry! And today I despise him. Not for anything but because of how COLD and Emotionless he sounded when I told him about how she was feeling. I thought that he deserved to know what he was doing to people. How he was hurting them. How he hurt us! But he doesn’t seem to care one bit.
He tried to tell me that he would come and see her etc and I told him that I wasn’t phoning because I wanted him to do anything for her…but just that I needed him to know what his actions does to people. And for kids to experience hurt is not right.
I wonder sometimes why he was with me for so long…if there was a chance that he could have loved me like he says. But I will never get an answer to any of those questions and I’m okay with it. It just does something to me knowing and hearing that someone could be so HEARTLESS!!!!
I wonder if he will ever get his day. If he will ever reap what he has sown? Or will he just merrily continue on his journey hurting women with kids…or just even women in general.
PS! Most of his relationships have been with women with kids and he is going to be 36 this year. No house of his own – live with his mom. Bought a car yesterday because I took my car back last week. He got a proper job almost a year ago but other than that he was always in between jobs. It’s clear that my life wasn’t going anywhere with him and I know that. But still. The promises. The lies! What a fool I was.
Wow V, I am so you right now. I didn’t think people like this existed here on earth. I have ended an engagement to a heartless, vindictive, narcissistic man.
I kicked him out. But he seems like he does not know how he hurt me, one minute he apologizes, cries, says he’ll change, but the next day he will be very rude, like he didn’t cry and boohoo the day before.
Crazy. Stay strong we can do it. We have to have faith, God is so good to us. I look at it like this, God put us in people’s life’s for a reason, not all ways for a season.
I know I was nice to my ex, loved him, supported him, cooked, cleaned, everything to keep our home loving and peaceful, but God has so many good things for me. I just had to get the bad spirits out he way. Don’t give up , my ex still calls, texts, still thinks he’s in control, he knows he is loosing his footing, his petty a** mind games. He is a habitual liar, cheats and defend his reason for cheating in detail, what she look like, talks to her around me, just total disrespect.
I’m done, I choose to take back my life, to be happy again, I mean inside and out. I’m getting back there little by little. And refuse to go there ever again. God bless all.
Sounds like my husband again!
You are living my life. I feel sick to the stomach reading this.
If I could reach out and hug you I would.
I almost married a narcissist. However, I was lucky and got out just in time. The wedding was scheduled for April 7, 2012. After almost three years of his mental, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, I broke it off in February, two months before the wedding.
Fortunately, I came out of the relationship still intact. Everything that I had prior to the relationship, I still have, even my dignity, self esteem, and self respect. But I have NO respect for him. When the chaos begins, you don’t see it as abuse. You think of it as relationship issues because every relationship has its ups and its downs. But finally, you figure that you’ve had enough, and you start making preparations to leave him.
However, leaving him proved to be as taxing as being in the relationship with him. He was like a parasite and a virus that just wouldn’t go away. I thank god for all the websites on narcissistic men. Because of these websites I have learned how to spot, deal with, and leave a narcissistic relationship.
I am now on a strict NO CONTACT rule when it comes to this narcissistic A..Hole. I feel very sorry for his next victim because I know that he or she is unfortunately, going to experience the same HELL that I witnessed.
I have been in an on and off relationship with my partner for 10 years now. The day I met him, I fell head over heels in love with him, and he was nothing but charming and attentive. It didn’t take long for the controlling side to show its ugly face, but by then, I was so in love with him, that I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. He was thoroughly convincing in telling me all my faults, along with how perfect he is. His ability at turning a situation around to suit himself, is mind blowing. The next time you look up, you are apologizing for a sin that in fact you didn’t commit in the first place!
I have shed tears that would fill a dam dry from drought. I have packed my bags more times than I care to remember, and walked. Only to get so far, when the texts begin. How much he loves me, I just don’t understand how my behavior upsets him, how he will work on being more accepting, more understanding, blah blah. Idiot I am, I go back. The first week is glorious, and I am convinced we have finally turned the corner, and will find this happiness, and BANG, its gone in a flash.
The first time I disagree with his opinion, or ague my point, its game on. He has the mouth of a sewerage rat, is nasty to the core. He will say anything he can to hurt me and bring me down, and he manipulates everything that comes out my mouth. I get so confused, and so frustrated, that I want to lash out, instead I burst into tears of utter frustration at being so totally misunderstood. Its like he plays mind games with me.
I have tried everything over the years to explain how I feel, and to tell him what comes out his mouth hurts! Its as though he says those things on purpose to hurt and humiliate me. To bring me down a so called peg or two. Even if we in company, and someone pays me a complement, he will find some way of turning it into an insult, but putting humor in as a thin disguise. He never sees fault in himself. He is thee most critical person I have ever met in my life. He will run my friends and family into the ground, and tell me how I am being ‘used and abused’ by them, yet cannot see how he is the one doing all the ‘using and abusing’
In short, the man is faultless! No one does anything as well as he does, no one is better looking, or has a better body, The man is f*&^* exhausting. I have to constantly stroke his fragile ego, make sure he knows he is ‘wonderful’ and I get fed scraps of attention. If I ask him ‘how do I look?’ – I get ‘fine’ if I venture further with a ‘fine? or pretty?’ question, I get ‘whats this? complements on demand?’ back. But let me answer with ‘Fine’ when he has got dressed and the boy comes out. He has to hear ‘Darling you look beautiful. Really, lovely’ then we can go, now that he is all puffed out and his feathers have been pruned. At the end of the day, its all about him!
Amazingly, if when we talking I remind him of some of the things he says or does, he denies the lot! I get accused of having made everything up. Something like ‘So this is the rubbish you tell your friends and family? no wonder everyone hates me! You a bare faced liar Anita!’ – so to defend myself, I fetch my phone, or turn on my email and show in what he has sent and said. So now he cannot deny it you would think – WRONG! He will worm his way out of that as well, and tell me how pathetic I am for keeping negative stuff like that, and by the time he has finished, I am balling my eyes out again and the fight is on.
He used to be sex crazy in the first few years. To the point that he actually turned me off him. He was almost sadistic. Now, he doesn’t come anywhere near me. If I am lucky I get a pat on the back in bed, or a peck hello when he walks in from work. He sulks for days on end, and gets pleasure out of ignoring me for weeks, if I have upset him. He used to call it penance for my bad behavior. Jesus Christ, as I write all this, I am getting more and more sick to the pit of my stomach.
I have asked him so many times, to try and understand how I feel. He cant. He can be totally in the wrong, and yet will spend the following day feeling horse whipped, and working on my rap sheet. He will console himself with all he does that no other man would do for me, how much he loves me and how no other man would love me. How good he is to me and how for-granted he is being taken. He is the victim and the fact that i had the gaul to stand up to him and fight back has made it all worse (for him!) bugger the fact that I am heart broken, that’s of no consequence. I don’t understand the bigger picture – him!
Yesterdays fight was because I am running out of time to have a child. I have given this man 10 years on and off, and I am now 43 and challenged in the child producing department. if I don’t try NOW for a child, its game over for me within a year, and I don’t have the money for IVF treatment etc. He told me flat out yesterday ‘I am not interested. I thought we had agreed that this child thing was in the past. You have a few issues and its going to be difficult for you to fall pregnant so we shelved it. I told you, I don’t do sex on demand! Now you bring this shit up again. We not in a financial position, there are too many things wrong, and if I am honest, if things don’t work out between us, I am NOT spending the next 20 years paying for this kid. I am not interested. So if you want a child then we have to part ways. I thought we agreed to adopt?’
‘Paul its still possible for me to have my own child, so I don’t need to adopt yet. What I need is regular intercourse at the right time of month. Besides what the difference between adopting and having your own child? its still money you have to outlay? You cant give the child back to the agency when you have had enough!’ his answer – ‘well in fact you can! I have nothing further to say on this subject’
I have written an epic here and for that I apologize to all of you. I just need to vent, and if you have an opinion, it would be so appreciated. I must read like a pathetic fool. My family and friends don’t understand it. I am a by all accounts, a good looking woman, who is intelligent, well educated, kind, sympathetic etc. God if and when I have hurt Paul, you have never seen anyone more sorry. I cry to Bambi! I have a handful of friends which I have had for between 20 – 30 years, they know me like the back of their hand. They have met Paul and not one person likes him. They all say he is a control freak and ill mannered. My mother got to the point of saying ‘Anita I think you addicted to the drama!’ how sad is that?
All this time, I never understood him, and have said for years ‘God, Paul is like my sister! They are two peas in a bloody pod! Both bullies etc.’ Recently my sister got diagnosed as narcissistic. So I had to read up about it and the Penny finally dropped. That’s why she had been so sanctimonious and full of shi* and never wrong and oh my God! there was Paul next to her on every page. He, like my sister denies this. Even though she has her results in front of her, she still denies it! I am doomed! *laughing*
Why have I stayed? Because like my sister, WHEN these people shine, the world smiles with them. They can have such an endearing side to them, and its that side, so rarely seen, that sprouts hope!
Bless you for reading this.
I know I should walk, but I look at my home, and it’s just so sad.
You know that you’re living with a narcissistic man.. this relationship is meaning-less and frustrating ..you know he is never going to change so i would suggest you to part ways as there is no hope..
SO RIGHT!! Just wanna support you ladies. It’s NOT normal to be walking on eggshells for your own basic opinions (they always feel attacked). They have LACK of brain understanding..and see themselves as VICTIMS and everyone is an idiot.
They see people as tools or slaves to use and exploit emotionally. They MOCK, TEASE in front of people..even LACKING to defend your honor! They can be VERY charming, play a role..of fun, and so i don’t think its easy to PICK THEM OUT. But you know, because they emotionally lack “feelings” and seem a bit unable to help, ask to assist, or worry about others well being. In a fire..they would think “OMG I GOT TO SAVE ME”!!!
They like animals but treat them more like a TOY not real heart breathing creature. Not LOVING. Not to say they can be playful with them and others, but its lacking NURTURING. Watch them they might even laugh if the dog/cat falls, or is kinda having issues. It’s very very weird. This is SUBTLE ladies. Not that easy, unless you start to study.
They LOVE ATTENTION, bad or good. They HATE being ignored, by anyone. They UPSTAGE YOU ( and I am very extroverted). They narrow your events, groups of people (they herd you away). They are controlling (passive) and can be very sneaky on making you feel GUILTY and wrong about your ideas, I mean it. Really unhealthy. I have good self worth, and I notice they have NO CENTER, NO SOLID love of self.
Maybe they think we should cover our heads and faces, and walk behind them. It sounds as if we are in one of those countries that treat women like second class citizens. At least they allow us to read. God please help us!
Michelle Zogheb says
It’s fascinating hearing your sad story. I have one of my own as well. These men are really miserable to the core and extremely frustrating. I’ve never needed therapy in my life until ‘he’ came along. He’s accused me of everything and used such vulgarities I cannot believe I’ve tolerated it all. But yes, he gets us to fall for this ‘great man’ that he paints himself to be, we fall, and then BAM. The reality hits!
At first it’s unbelievable, and I spent time, money, and energy trying to convince him that his thinking was false. It was a matter of standing up for truth for me. He dumped me over 11x in just 1 year. I feel like saying I love you made him a monster. Wish I never said it.
Oh well, maybe now that I really know who he really is, can I love that? I’m suffering with you, and I hope we all get past them and onto better things for ourselves. Best to you.
I am remarried to a narcissist. I feel your pain in this minute, Anita. Because I married a second time I felt I was CLEAR in what I wanted. Communication and honesty. I would not have married this man had I know what I would have now almost 5 years later.
I am a smart, kind, not bad looking woman who lived on her own for 7 years before getting remarried. I believed in my vows and continue to live here in this house that I am told is not mine, that I would have nothing if it was not for him, that my F*ing kids would have nothing, that I am a stupid, C*** and I should Shut the F*** up or get the F out.
He has no caring, no empathy and is judgmental. YET, I stay here because I thought I was marrying the love of my life this 2nd time and just want things to be the way they were when we were dating and first married. Pathetic!
Wow I know this routine all too well. I fell very much in love with a man and he was so wonderful. he convinced me to quit my job and move in with him….Bad mistake he changed so quickly and he had full control over me. No good job and no place to move too. He was insulting and blamed me for everything and anything my life was a nightmare. He took all my belongings and threw them out and then wanted me back. Before we split I tried one more time and the same thing started as soon as he knew how much I loved him. This time I walked away and I feel so sorry for who he doing it to now.
I am walking away from the exact same situation TODAY. I feel for you. Do not look at your home and feel sad, YOU build that home. YOU can do it again, And without him and his negative responses, you will do it in 1/3 of the time.
WALK, lady. Just do it. The “endearing side” you talk about, is false. He uses that to draw you back, when he sees that you are slipping through his fingers. You are indeed trapped in a small cult-like situation. You owe it to yourself, lady. Who are you? You do not know anymore, I bet.
Wow, I was involved with a narcissist man for 13 years. At the time when I met him, he also seemed like the right one. But as time went on things seemed off and red flags went up. It wasn’t till the last 4 years that I realized this was not a good situation to be in. They are very manipulating and really don’t love you. They don’t really care about you. How hard that maybe to hear. It’s not a healthy life. You do owe it to yourself to break away. I did, you can too.
What is worse when the narcissistic man “doth protest too much . . . ”
“I’m a great guy, honest blah blah blah. . . ”
I’m infatuated, in lust, he’s tons of fun I’m happy. Family friends all think he is a great guy. I fall in love. And then he says he loves me and we are going to build future together and he disappears I mean literally!
He acts fabulous and wonderful but is an absolute liar. How do I know? His own mother says so! He is egotisticL, selfish, describes himself as “extremely good looking” and needs to be center of attention.
How do you deal with this type of guy?
This is my husband you are describing! He has such an inflated sense of self and is a habitual liar to inflate his ever-swelling ego. He prays for people at church and is called on once in a blue moon to deliver a sermon, but he told my uncle last week that he is the assistant pastor!
I fought hard to not yell, “what???” and roll my eyes!
I am forever amazed at the excessive exaggerations he tells to make himself look good. I can’t take it!!! He had my pastor convinced that I was lying about the way he treats me and how he has no regard for me, but he finally opened his eyes.
My husband has perfected the art of looking innocent…a wolf in sheep’s clothing! He tricked me into thinking he was the kindest man I had ever met when in reality he is indeed the most selfish…in every way… including sexually! The Bible says that men are to treat women as the weaker vessel, but he’d rather have that role for himself and be coddled!!! I feel like if I don’t leave, I will lose my sanity!
I love him, I give him the freaking world on a platter. I raise his child that has severe ADHD, I show him love, kindness, respect, I clean his house, take care of the kids, I work, I am always making things better for him and building him up. I make sure everyone is taken care of day after day. I ask for so little…reason #1 is I don’t want to ask for too much, reason #2 is….I ASK HE SHOOTS ME DOWN!!!!!
I’m talking about love, time, caring. not much just once in a blue moon. And when I ask, I’m the worst person in the world. It had been weeks since he touched me, or even really had a conversation with me. I asked him “can we not watch TV tonight and just spend time together and catch up.
Bottom line he got mad at me for asking. He said to me “can’t you wait til my next days off?” which were in 20 days. i cried, he sat there and did nothing.
He won’t talk to me, and when he hurts me and makes me cry, he sits there and watches me. He won’t move to comfort me.
I’m a good looking, smart, loving, caring, sympathetic, great person here. and he treats me like crap.
WOW!!!! It is so freaking hard because I do love him, and I do give him everything he wants and lots more….then I get thrown out with the trash.
F%@k him. I deserve so much better than this. I am such a loving and caring person, I don’t understand how one can be this way. If I ever made him cry, I’d cry myself and I’d comfort him. I wouldn’t be able to say sorry enough. Well this is the ramblings from “BROKEN1”
@Broken1….GET OUT. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. The loving, caring people are perfect prey to a narcissist. It’s wonderful that you are so loving…that’s how I am, too. But you have to rise up and love yourself more. No one will ever love you lke you. I have experience with narcissism on two levels. My brother is an extreme narcissist, and I spent endless nights listening to my sister in law cry before she finally got out. And then also, I became involved with someone 14 years ago. I thought he he was the love of my life, but I moved to another city and we ended it. We started things again last August. Looking back, the signs were all there, but I chose to ignore them. Over time, and the more I professed my love for him, the worse he treated me. We ended it in late February, and I have been a basket case since, crying almost daily. UNTIL THIS MORNING. I found this website, narcissisticmen.com, and read this woman’s entire article. And at the bottom of the article she talks about taking your power back. Go read it, hopefully you will have an awakening like I did. I totally feel for you, Broken1….please don’t let this asshole tear you down anymore. He needs help that YOU CAN’T GIVE HIM. Good luck to you….and hang in there.
Do yourself a favor and read~ “Why Does He Do That?” The author’s last name is Bancroft. It will help all women in any dysfunctional relationships have the understanding you need to see what you are dealing with. Please, please read this book.
All women should read “Why Does He Do That?” before ever dating a man and especially before marriage.
Broken1….I am reading your post…it horrified me! I am reading my own post-felt like you wrote it for me.
That’s exactly what I had done for my 27 years husband. I was a very loving, caring strong morale and a strong will, a survivor, I felt almost reduce down to dust with the “love” my husband “engulfed” me with. I did believe that he loved me but I couldn’t understand why I felt like I was drowning in it.
He just told me I was the cause of his unhappiness, because I started doing things for myself, I became emotionally independent of his smothering love. He claimed, I don’t love him…and we needed to split, I agreed…he had gone mad, I meant REALLY MAD. He told me that I had to stop meditating, I had to stop visiting my temple because they brainwashed me, I had to stop seeing my temple friends because they are after my money.
Final draw, he begged me to change my mind not to leave him but cut out all my emotional/spiritual support system. I refused, the next day he told me we had to split. I faced with this staying/splitting over the 3 months period since January 2012.
Then, he hooked back up with his affair lover (who just split up and she has been depressed all her life and they had an affair 5 years ago), he went off with her and took off. He took her out on his golf trip (that I was never invited on) on our wedding anniversary on May the 6th 2012, and our children were the one who told me (I left to the stay in the temple to find peace)….I came back he left the house. Packed his bag and just walked out.
Part of me is so happy but part of me is so sad and long for him to come back. This is something I still don’t understand. When I am in a good spirit, my heart is so worry free and happy that he is not around, the girls even said so…that I look so happy and I know, I am so happy without him. But night comes, I cry myself to sleep and kept looking out to see if his car will approach the driveway….why?
I know, I am happier without him. I am very self-sufficient financially, and very independent in so many ways, yet I feel very naked and social retarded. I try to go out, but feel fake. I questions everything. I see couple walking by laughing, I ask myself…are they really happy or they are faking it just like I did. I tend to be house bound by my own choice, I don’t want to see those (I think) faking stuff.
I stay home, say my prayers and say more prayers. I go to yoga, and spinning classes almost everyday, and try to go out golfing (i like it a lot) more. I like the game….it’s a game of solitude and I only compete with myself which I feel I want to do just that.
My girls are very supportive and they try to live their lives but yet keep me in the loop so, I won’t feel lonesome. But, I want them to keep in touch with their father and maintain good relationship, I pushed very hard for him to be the best father but I am in no position to help in this, and lots of time, he had then close to tears when they come back.
I remind them, dad loves them as much as I do he just doesn’t know how to connect with them, So it might be best if they just reconfirm their love through a small message or a little something to keep the bond, but I don’t want them to fall in “the trap” either. They are too precious. I didn’t think I wanted to waste anyone time but, it just keep pouring out of my broken heart……
Reading the words of others I cannot help but think that they were married to the same man I was married to. Let us face it… These narcissistic men look for women that are easy for them to control. They pick out a woman that likes to please. At first the are mr. Wonderful. When they are sure this woman loves them… Then it starts. First he separate the woman from all support systems like family or friends. They tell her that her family is crazy and her friends are looses. When the woman is dependent on him, the the mind control begins. That woman is in a relationship much like a cult. To break free of this is often difficult. Women wake up and see what has happened to you! This is not love.
Hi..I’m not sure that my partner is narcissistic..or obsessed or what!! I just know that I’ve had enough. We have been together 6 years and he did sweep me off my feet.
I have suffered a lot of gyno problems since having my 4 yr old and his behavior has got worse over the years. He has always been jealous of me talking to anyone..and questions where i have been..who did you see? etc.
I have recently had a full hysterectomy which has made him absolutely unbearable….He goes mad if anyone else helps me, yet he is at work all day!! He cries because he isn’t getting enough attention and then tells me no-one loves me like he does!!! In the next breathe he says he is leaving because he isn’t happy!!!
I’m lost 🙁
If you only knew! These Narc’s have unlimited resources. For every bad reaction/bad behavior they display….they have a reason for everything. The reason; YOU!
They are so crafty and masters at their profession, soon you will agree, it was/is YOU, that caused them to do their dirty deeds!
They age you physically, and suck everything from you. They are the most messed up human beings. Don’t stay, RUN! I was a MEEK person, (a good thing), now I’m a WEAK person. Condensed to a person I don’t recognize.
My goal now, is too work on trying to get to a somewhat healthy place. Stay, give up YOU! RUN!!!!
We must be strong for ourselves.
Hi, I have been married to an extreme narcissistic man for over 17 years. I finally realized that he will never, ever change. He refuses to go to Marriage counseling because all counselors are “pathetic losers”.
He manipulates everything so I think it is my fault. My self esteem is gone, I am constantly anxious and I have panic attacks. My husband has no respect for any human being, especially women.
My family therapist thinks there is a little hope but I don’t know. I am not a person who gives up easily but for my health sake I might have to leave this marriage. There is no more compassion or empathy left in my marriage.
Sometimes I actually think I am going crazy in my head. It is a very, very destructive disorder. Both of my husbands parents are Narcissists and my goal in life is to ensure that my son will not follow this trait.
You are telling the truth, thank God. I thought I was the only one.
I believe that I engaged to a narcisist. If I sweep everything under the rug and take care of his needs then all is fine. However, if I stand up for myself then a major fight breaks out. When he brings up my issues I admit to them. When I bring up his issues he deflects them by repeating mine AND saying mean hurtful things about painful things from my past that I have shared with him. Now I get depressed when I feel overwhelmed by it all and see no happiness in our future.
Rae Lynn says
is it possible for a man to have narcissistic traits towards one person but not to another ? As in haiving no regard for hurting his wife and kids, no compassion at all for the hurt his cheating has caused us, refused to say anything to his married girlfriend to bring closure I’m assuming because he doesn’t want to hurt her ? she was sleeping with 4 other men besides him, so I don’t think she was hurt by anything. But hurting his wife and kids doesn’t seem to bother him at all.
Hi Rae Lynn, that is a very complex question and I can not give you an easy answer. First of all I want to say that a trait is something that resembles a person. It is not something that is triggered by someone but not by another person, because a true narcissistic person does not have the ability to react differently because he does not understand how to do it. He misses the ability to emphasize and does not exactly understand why his behavior will hurt someone.
Personality disorders are very complex and it is really hard to say if someone has a narcissistic personality disorder or just some narcissistic traits which I believe everyone has.
For the cheating part about your question I can not help you with that. People cheat all the time and you don’t have to have a personality disorder to do so. It is also really difficult to give a reaction without knowing the exact situation.
I hope this answers your question a little bit, good luck!