Dealing with a passive aggressive man in a relationship is fraught with problems. Their behavior is usually characterized by a fear of intimacy, emotional unavailability, and a tendency to blow hot and cold more times than the weather. So if this sounds like many of your relationships, you need to learn how to recognize passive aggressive men in relationships.
Passive aggressive men will repeatedly fail to live up to expectations or accomplish things expected of them in relationships (or indeed any other arena). They will not be obvious about it; rather than saying “I don’t want to do this because of A, B and C”, they will instead skirt around the issue and behave in such a way as to “get out” of doing the task by way of passive avoidance as opposed to aggressive assertiveness.
The actions of a passive aggressive man usually contradict his words: he might say he loves you and he has every intention of leaving his wife to be with you, but he does nothing to resolve the issue and three years later you are still living on the periphery of his life while enjoys all the fringe benefits of your company at times to suit him.
Chronic lateness is a common trait of passive aggressive men. By keeping you continually waiting, he can control you and the relationship.
Lies and excuses are typical of passive aggressive men. They will make excuses for their shocking behavior and lie about anything and everything. Instead of taking responsibility for their behavior, they skirt around the issue until you are crippled with self-doubt, resentment and frustration.
Passive aggressive men are commitment phobic to the point where they cannot even commit to a date in three days time, never mind a holiday in six months. But instead of giving you a reason why they are unavailable, they avoid your question and never give you a straight answer, so instead of saying “no, I’m working late, but let’s go out Saturday instead” they will say something like “maybe, I’ll let you know…” and leave you guessing until the day has been and gone.
Learning how to recognize passive aggressive men in relationships will save you an awful lot of heartache, as these men are rarely good relationship material. They continuously blow hot and cold—being affectionate and loving one minute, then not speaking to you for days with no explanation the next. This type of behavior is to prevent you from becoming too dependent on him—he wants you near, but only on his terms.
Many men with passive aggressive tendencies treat their partner appallingly. They are fully aware they are doing it, and will even admit to doing it, but rather than admit that the relationship is going nowhere, they treat you badly in the hope that you will come to your senses, assert yourself, and tell them to take a hike.
Unfortunately, many women are sucked into this type of relationship in the belief that they can change the person, and in a sense, the woman is also displaying passive aggressive traits by refusing to confront the situation and take responsibility for her own happiness.
If you recognize any of these signs in your current relationship, do yourself a favor and end it now—he is unlikely to change and the only thing you will end up with is an awful lot of grief.