Having a relationship with emotionally unavailable women is never going to make you happy. Emotionally unavailable women don’t just play hard to get — they really are hard to get!
So before you end up attached to a woman like this, learn how to spot the signs of an emotionally unavailable woman.
Why are Some Women Emotionally Unavailable?
A woman can be emotionally unavailable for many reasons. Very often it is because she is afraid to let anyone close to her.
She could have been badly hurt or rejected in the past by someone she cared for and is not yet ready for a relationship, but sometimes her emotional problems are the result of abuse, which makes a relationship with her virtually impossible, but whatever the reason, find out how to tell if a woman is emotionally unavailable.
What are the Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Woman?
Having a relationship with emotionally unavailable women will never be easy. This type of women might make a token effort at relationships, but the minute you show too much of an interest, she will be out the door faster than the speed of light.
One minute she will all over you and the next she will turn into the ice queen. She might tell you she is looking for a relationship, but as soon as the relationship starts showing signs of getting serious, she will pull away and leave you wondering what on earth you did wrong.
How to Cope With an Emotionally Unavailable Woman?
Emotionally unavailable women come with an awful lot of baggage. They might want a loving relationship, but they do their damnedest to sabotage it on all levels, so it takes a very persistent and patient man to cut through the crap and find a way of reaching a woman like this.
Most women become emotionally unavailable because another man has hurt them and let them down in a bad way, therefore trust is a major issue.
So the only way you can make a relationship with an emotionally unavailable women work is to gain her trust.
Is a Relationship With an Emotionally Unavailable Woman Worth All the Hassle?
Only you can decide if she is worth your effort. If you suspect she is just playing mind games with you because you are her latest toy, then it is probably sensible to walk away before you become another fly in her web of pain.
But if you believe she is acting cool and aloof because deep down she is terrified of letting you breach her emotional firewall, then stick with it for a while longer and give her the space she needs to learn to trust you.
Some women do need time and space to work through the emotional baggage from previous relationships and once they realize that not all men are like their loser cheating ex, they let go of the pain and learn to love again.
But do not be prepared to wait around for her forever—and set the ground rules early on to make sure she does not end up wiping the floor with your fragile heart.
Earlier this year I was in a 5 month relationship with an emotionally unavailable woman. Things were going along pretty smooth in the beginning, but then something still seemed a little off. We went on several nice dates and even took a couple of road trips together. She was cute and fun to be around and I was starting to have strong feelings for her. She was affectionate and caring towards me as well. She told me that her father had died when she was in grade school (red flag). She had been married twice before, but both of those relationships ended after 2 years. (red flag). She began making excuses to not spend time with me due to family commitments (daughter) or being too tired from work. She also made comments about not really trusting people and not having close friends. She would also say things like she was afraid that I was going to “get tired of her” (self-esteem). Towards the end she told me that I wanted too much from her. What? Wanting to spend time with someone you care about and want to get to know is too much? Apparently. Anyway, I got put into the much hated “friend zone” but eventually had to go no contact with her because it just hurts to much to talk with her. I didn’t pay attention to the warning signs and have suffered the consequences…a broken heart. These women say they want a real relationship, but in reality, they can’t handle the emotions that come with it and another person cannot save or fix them.
Did she introduce you to her daughter? If so did u get close to her as well?
Your story is very similar to mine…… She was very full on at the start, at about the one month mark she stated pulling away……. I replied by text saying no worries your loss…. She replied with I will get to you when I get to you, didn’t hear anything for 2 months then suddenly she turned up at my work stating she’s been really busy and had decided to give me another chance….. Then boom back to seeing each other again but said things like ‘I will ever know how much she likes me’ suddenly out the blue whilst having a good night and one time she said ‘she cannot give me what I want’ my reply was I just wanted her time…… Please do not ignore the red flags, her father died when she was 30, when she was 18 her boyfriend died in a car crash…… She was previously married to a so called bad boy and divorced after 2 years….. No long term relationships for 15 years….. Appearance wise….. Hair extentions, fake boobs and nose job, permanent nail extentions….. Teeth jet white, and drive a expensive car (on finance) her preferred choice of communication was via texting……. She was very flirty to start with but never took it to the next level….. She became very shy and seemed awkward when we were holding hands….. One minute would show interest via email then next just seemed distant when I was with her…… She seemed to be more interested in her phone, would have her photo taken with me but if I tagged her in the photo on Facebook it wouldn’t show up on her page …… I asked her about this but the only response I got was she didn’t like having her photo taken lol…… Please donot ignore the Red flags like I did……. These kind of females will tell you everything you need to hear but their words will never match their actions….. I feel this female is chronic as to the length of time she’s been this way…….. She seemed very sweet and genuine in the beginning….. Then boom all the drama, if these females do not tackle their own issues then their is nothing you can do about it trust me I’m a Confident person, successful in my business life…… Would regard myself as a good person with good morals and attractive Have a proactive attitude, but if your not head strong in understanding these traits then you will only feel confused and a lot of pain……. The final straw for me was when we went on holiday…….. She wouldn’t talk, just ignored me, was more interested in her phone….. And creating drama and creating distance in her lack of interest…… So I tried to have a conversation with her and her reaction was scary……. Ohh the rage, blaming me or everything else on me….. Said we were never Dating or had never been In a relationship (that was hilarious), then why was she 8000 miles from home on holiday with me….. So the next day after the same distant behavior displayed by her I decided to get a flight back (on my own)…. I’ve sent her a few messages since but nothing but silence…….. And after all that has happened I’ve still questioned myself to whether or not she was emotionally unavailable…… Or narcissistic!!! Lots of pain and self doubts…… But I also admit that I had a part to play in this dysfunctional relationship and what I could have do differently……. Seriously guys my advise would be to run and never stop running… These types will never change and will cause you a lot of pain……and in the process will make you feel guilty . I feel that over time she might try and communicate with me, but I have to stay strong and politely tell her to go and fix her issues on her own…….. So does she sound emotionally unavailable??? And advice or knowledge would be well received……. Thank you
I have been married to an emotionally unavailable woman for three years. She showed a high interest in me Nd everything I was interested in . Within months of being married she started becoming withdrawn from me . Lied often and caught her several times saying she was working late when she was actually going out to bars woth her boss eho is married but also was an old relationship. The pressure vetween us mounted over her oberworking , drinking and carrousing with her old boss / former lover. She eventually quit , siting work pressure etc. Im fairly certain that is was my increased displeasure of the situation , heavy drinking and ignoring me. Ive caught her on several occasions telling friends and co workers that she married me because Im stable and its a comfortable life but she really has no passion for me. She has told them of her live of past men who abused her and cheated on her but states at least she felt passion for them. Every day she plays games on her ipad., looks at facebook , watches tv and then drinks until she is tipsey then goes to bed. Often times lacking a goodnight
When we argue she claims she loves me and I have provided her with anything and everything I can. When I try to hug or snuggle woth her. She just gives me a two second hug then pushes me away to go back to her games or Tv. This isnt either of our first marriages and I knew she came with a little baggage but it seems She opened the whole travel trailer of issues and has given up on the relationship almost from the start, putting little or no work into it. She is very vocal to others that she feels this marriage isnt for her yet when I confront her, she states not true because she loves me and wants to be here. She has no license because she got a dui before meeting me and never told me … I bought her a new car and found out about when we couldnt register because she had a suspended and then later found out revoked license. I am the sole provider for her and do everything possible for her 3 boys who are all 19-22. Thier dad has been absent from thier lufe for a fee years as he has his own issues. Two of her boys with me and I am starting to feel lile nothing more than a comfortable life for her. I love her and have done all I can to show it …. I just feel at this point , she is in love with bad boys and losers who reject her and cant have a relationship with a loving , stable , responsible man … Im just a meal ticket and a way to get a lift in statys for her friends as she has upgraded her life from inner city , pay check to paycheck and eviction notices to a man who pays all bills and bought a house for her to live on the lake and takes care of her boys. All ive ever wanted was her love … like she showed just a couple years ago while dating. Is this a truely emotionally detatched woman as Im thinking or is she just settling and really never had any emotional connection to me.
I am still bleeding from a very recent unavailable woman relationship break up. Don’t be confused by the fact that she may pursues you in the beginning. I now know that it only meant that she found me worthy enough to attempt to see if she could be in a real relationship again. She couldn’t. Since she had a traumatic childhood and 2 horrible prior marriages I am guessing her condition is chronic and not short term.
The first red flag was that she filled EVERY day, 6:00 A.M. to 10:00 P.M., with with responsibilities (work, family members, church, volunteer work, etc). My experiences tells me a person who fills their day that much doesn’t want time to think about an unpleasant past or current situation. She would fill guilty, or would put a mild guilt trip on me, because she was spending time with me instead of taking care of other things she needed to do. Then, she would tell me how bad she felt not having more time for “us” but really never went much out of her way to make more time for us. However, when we were spending time together all of her attention was on me/ us. I was smart enough (sort of) to never complain about her schedule, or whine that she was not spending enough time with me but in the end it did not matter.
The worst and most hurtful part of the experience was when she realized she could not be in a relationship and began to sabotage it. At that point she went WAY out of her way to find something wrong with things I would do or say. Everything I was doing, even my facial expressions had some sort of “underlying meaning”. All of it amounted to her justification for ending the relationship. She did at least in the end say that she realized that she could not be in a relationship and that it was causing her way too much emotional stress to try. Folks, trust those red flags and be respectfully cautious! Hopefully I will be able to remove my tourniquet soon!
Thanks for the read, going through one myself.
It’s true in the beginning they seem they want to get married & start making you believe they want something long term but once you initiate a real relationship they start to distance themselves.
My girl would not communicate with me for 3-4 days before she responded, I didn’t know why but when she told me her past I connected everything together. It’s like she wants the physical love but without getting emotional. Ex: distance relationship
Just walk away and do not waste your time. she has problems so she should fix it.
I have wasted 6 years of my life for an ICE QUEEN plus a collection of hang ups. They do not want to be cured,,they enjoy the suffering you go through… There are lot of women out there who is worthy of your time and love…. So walk away , move on..you will so glad you did
How long should a guy wait? I was briefly involved with a woman who was fresh from a broken engagement (her fiance cheated on her). She also has abandonment issues and trauma from her childhood. We were just beginning a supposedly casual relationship. As soon as she saw that I was developing real feelings for her that could lead to a serious relationship, she got overwhelmed and panicked, and she broke it off. I haven’t had any communication with her for three months. I still have feelings for her. Because of her issues, I know that if we are ever going to reconnect, I will have to be the one to initiate it. But if I do so before she’s ready, it will just push her away for good. So I have no idea what to do.
Well you should make some sort of contact with her…it’s let’s her know you still exist, and let’s her know that you’re still thinking of her. Without making any contact she might easily think you’ve moved on and forgotten her.
Thank you for this information. I have just been sorely let down with someone I now know was emotionally unavailable yet never ever raised it as an issue.
At least I have answers and hope that it wasn’t me but now I realize that no amount of nice gestures, support, or anything else would have made the slightest difference.
A hard lesson to learn.